Miserable Happy Person

two-faced

Why do you smile so softly,

Why do you appear so happy and wise,

When I can see bits of bad misery,

Dancing in the depths of your eyes.

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That Feeling

You know that feeling when you’re just waiting, waiting to get home into your room, close the door, fall into bed, and just let everything out that you kept in all day, that feeling of both relief and desperation? Nothing is wrong, but nothing is right either, and you’re tired, tired of everything, tired of nothing, and you just want someone to be there and tell you it’s okay, but no one’s going to be there, and you know you have to be strong for yourself because no one can fix you. But you’re tired of waiting, tired of having to be the one to fix yourself and everyone else, tired of being strong, and for once, you just want it to be easy, to be simple, to be helped, to be saved, but you know you won’t be, but you’re still hoping and you’re still wishing and you’re still staying strong and fighting with tears in your eyes. You’re fighting.

Going Alone

“I put on a smile and say I’m fine and try to hide the sadness I feel inside. But when I’m alone the tears start to flow and I can no longer hold them inside.”

You know those moments when you want to cry and hug someone, but can’t do either because you don’t want to let yourself break down? the moment when you’re feeling so alone? and everything is hurting you? that you feel so helpless? the only thoughts that are in your head are negative and it makes you feel totally alone, like you don’t mean anything to anyone. all you want to do is tell someone how you feel, but you don’t want their pity, and even if you could tell someone, nothing would come out right. you don’t want to laugh or smile, or whine, or argue, or even be stubborn or difficult, you just want to go to bed and cry and hope this feeling passes, and sometimes it does, but it always seems to come back. you feel like you will probably search your whole life for that one person that you can totally trust that you can love forever, who will never ever hurt you, but you know somewhere deep down that you’ll probably never find her. She probably doesn’t even exist, so you just give up, you want so desperately to be alone, but at the same time you fear it so much.

Alone with you – Alone with me

Valentine’s Day

Today is Valentines Day

A day to show a love one you care
But how can you hold them kiss them console them
When no one is even there

Today is a day of us together
And not a second to be left apart
But knowing today won’t bring those things
It continues to break my heart

I know I’m supposed to be happy
And I really look the part
But how can I smile
And pretend that I’m happy
When a piece is missing from my heart

Today won’t change the crying
Today won’t change pain
Today won’t change the fact
That heartache is now a part of my name

Today for me is lonely
Today for me is untrue
Today for me is wishing
That once again I still had you

But wishes are like fairy tales
They rarely do come true
So today is a day of loneliness
And me being sad and blue

Today for you is laughing
Because to you my love is a game
So while your happy spending time with friends
I’m left to drown in pain

Today is not a day anymore
Its a waste of useless time
Today for me is
Loneliness, heartache, crying, praying
That soon again you’d be mine