You know that feeling when you’re just waiting, waiting to get home into your room, close the door, fall into bed, and just let everything out that you kept in all day, that feeling of both relief and desperation? Nothing is wrong, but nothing is right either, and you’re tired, tired of everything, tired of nothing, and you just want someone to be there and tell you it’s okay, but no one’s going to be there, and you know you have to be strong for yourself because no one can fix you. But you’re tired of waiting, tired of having to be the one to fix yourself and everyone else, tired of being strong, and for once, you just want it to be easy, to be simple, to be helped, to be saved, but you know you won’t be, but you’re still hoping and you’re still wishing and you’re still staying strong and fighting with tears in your eyes. You’re fighting.
I don’t know why we all hang on to something we know were better letting go. It’s like were scared to lose what we don’t even really have. Some of us say we’d rather have that something than absolutely nothing, but the truth is, to have it halfway is harder than not having it at all.
You know what your problem is? You get attached, fast. And once you’re attached to someone, you do everything you can to please them and make them happy. It’s never been about what you want; it’s always everyone’s needs before your own. You give out too many chances to people, who quite frankly, do not deserve them. They take advantage of you, and you become a pushover. But you’re okay with that, because they’re in your life and that’s all you ever really wanted. And even if they screw you over, you’ll still be there for her. Because that’s you, that’s who you are. Once you get attached to someone, they capture your heart and they always have a place there. And that is why it’s so hard for you to let go.
I get the whole “She’s the only girl I’ve ever really been in love with” part. It’s hard to let go, hard to move on to someone else and think you’ll never find anyone with such characteristics or chemistry like you two had, but I promise you, once you let go and move on, you’ll find out that, deep down, the only feelings you have for her might be just the fact that you’ll always love her. You may not want her back, you might just be scared to move on without her.
Nobody wants to hear this but sometimes the person you want the most, is the person you are best without.
I cannot ease your aching heart, nor take your pain away; but let me stay and take your hand, and walk with you today. I’ll listen when you need to talk, I’ll wipe away your tears; I’ll share your worries when they come, and I’ll help you face your fears.
Don’t you ever, ever think that you are alone in this world. When you’re feeling down, lonely, as if you walk this road alone, stop. Stop and look around you. There is always someone. There will always be someone. And if you see no-one, look deeper. Maybe that someone you need lies inside of you. You will never, ever in this world be alone. Just remember that.
“I have all these feelings – these weird feelings, and I’ve had this burning desire to express them. But I can’t. I just can’t. And these feelings – they’re trapped and they’re like stuck in my heart.. And I just feel so lonely.”
Do you know why people hate to admit they are lonely? It’s because when you do, everyone thinks that something is wrong with you. They think “I have people in my life, why don’t you?” But the strange thing is, you can have people in your life and still be alone.
Because sometimes people do actually feel that way. Sometimes your life feels like it’s caving in on you. Sometimes people really do feel like they don’t want to exist, like they want to just curl up in a ball, and go into that place between life and death. Saying “I don’t want to exist” isn’t saying “I want to go die”.It’s saying “I wish that, for the time being, I could go somewhere and not have to feel”. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. And if you don’t know how it feels to feel this way, then you have no place to judge anyone who does.
I’m telling you, there’s nothing wrong with being lonely sometimes, it’s okay…you’ll be alright.
“I put on a smile and say I’m fine and try to hide the sadness I feel inside. But when I’m alone the tears start to flow and I can no longer hold them inside.”
You know those moments when you want to cry and hug someone, but can’t do either because you don’t want to let yourself break down? the moment when you’re feeling so alone? and everything is hurting you? that you feel so helpless? the only thoughts that are in your head are negative and it makes you feel totally alone, like you don’t mean anything to anyone. all you want to do is tell someone how you feel, but you don’t want their pity, and even if you could tell someone, nothing would come out right. you don’t want to laugh or smile, or whine, or argue, or even be stubborn or difficult, you just want to go to bed and cry and hope this feeling passes, and sometimes it does, but it always seems to come back. you feel like you will probably search your whole life for that one person that you can totally trust that you can love forever, who will never ever hurt you, but you know somewhere deep down that you’ll probably never find her. She probably doesn’t even exist, so you just give up, you want so desperately to be alone, but at the same time you fear it so much.