You know that feeling when you’re just waiting, waiting to get home into your room, close the door, fall into bed, and just let everything out that you kept in all day, that feeling of both relief and desperation? Nothing is wrong, but nothing is right either, and you’re tired, tired of everything, tired of nothing, and you just want someone to be there and tell you it’s okay, but no one’s going to be there, and you know you have to be strong for yourself because no one can fix you. But you’re tired of waiting, tired of having to be the one to fix yourself and everyone else, tired of being strong, and for once, you just want it to be easy, to be simple, to be helped, to be saved, but you know you won’t be, but you’re still hoping and you’re still wishing and you’re still staying strong and fighting with tears in your eyes. You’re fighting.
I don’t know why we all hang on to something we know were better letting go. It’s like were scared to lose what we don’t even really have. Some of us say we’d rather have that something than absolutely nothing, but the truth is, to have it halfway is harder than not having it at all.
You know what your problem is? You get attached, fast. And once you’re attached to someone, you do everything you can to please them and make them happy. It’s never been about what you want; it’s always everyone’s needs before your own. You give out too many chances to people, who quite frankly, do not deserve them. They take advantage of you, and you become a pushover. But you’re okay with that, because they’re in your life and that’s all you ever really wanted. And even if they screw you over, you’ll still be there for her. Because that’s you, that’s who you are. Once you get attached to someone, they capture your heart and they always have a place there. And that is why it’s so hard for you to let go.
I get the whole “She’s the only girl I’ve ever really been in love with” part. It’s hard to let go, hard to move on to someone else and think you’ll never find anyone with such characteristics or chemistry like you two had, but I promise you, once you let go and move on, you’ll find out that, deep down, the only feelings you have for her might be just the fact that you’ll always love her. You may not want her back, you might just be scared to move on without her.
Nobody wants to hear this but sometimes the person you want the most, is the person you are best without.
Everyone, at some point in their lives, wakes up in the middle of the night with the feeling that they are all alone in the world, and that nobody loves them now and that nobody will ever love them.
“Do you ever just get that feeling where you don’t want to talk to anybody? you don’t want to smile, and you don’t want to fake being happy. But at the same time, you don’t know exactly what is wrong either. There isn’t a way to explain it to someone who doesn’t already understand. If you could want anything in the world it would be to be alone. People have stopped being comforting.. and being alone never was. At least when you’re alone no one constantly asks you what is wrong and there isn’t anyone who wont take ‘I don’t know’ for an answer. You feel the way you do just BECAUSE. You hope the feeling will pass soon and that you will be able to be yourself again, but until then all you can do is wait.” – Lora M. Heacock
It hurts to smile… I feel like I’m going to burst into tears. There’s just some days like this when it all seems to be wrong and nothing feels right.
Dear whoever is reading this,
I understand how rough things are right now. I just want to let you know that things will get better, I promise. Keep holding on just a little bit longer. I know you feel like nobody really cares. You’re wrong, stop denying it. I care, otherwise I wouldn’t be writing this. You’re not alone, we may be miles away but we’re all going through the same things. Please keep holding on.
I cannot ease your aching heart, nor take your pain away; but let me stay and take your hand, and walk with you today. I’ll listen when you need to talk, I’ll wipe away your tears; I’ll share your worries when they come, and I’ll help you face your fears.
Don’t you ever, ever think that you are alone in this world. When you’re feeling down, lonely, as if you walk this road alone, stop. Stop and look around you. There is always someone. There will always be someone. And if you see no-one, look deeper. Maybe that someone you need lies inside of you. You will never, ever in this world be alone. Just remember that.
“I have all these feelings – these weird feelings, and I’ve had this burning desire to express them. But I can’t. I just can’t. And these feelings – they’re trapped and they’re like stuck in my heart.. And I just feel so lonely.”
Do you know why people hate to admit they are lonely? It’s because when you do, everyone thinks that something is wrong with you. They think “I have people in my life, why don’t you?” But the strange thing is, you can have people in your life and still be alone.
Because sometimes people do actually feel that way. Sometimes your life feels like it’s caving in on you. Sometimes people really do feel like they don’t want to exist, like they want to just curl up in a ball, and go into that place between life and death. Saying “I don’t want to exist” isn’t saying “I want to go die”.It’s saying “I wish that, for the time being, I could go somewhere and not have to feel”. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. And if you don’t know how it feels to feel this way, then you have no place to judge anyone who does.
I’m telling you, there’s nothing wrong with being lonely sometimes, it’s okay…you’ll be alright.